Ten Reasons
by sakimidare
Summary: ... why you should NOT live in the Vongola mansion. 1869, 2759, 8096, GiottoG, DS. T for swearing and sexual situations.


**A/N: I. Have no idea. Really.**

**Ten Reasons Why You Shouldn't Live In The Vongola Mansion**

1. Because You Don't Want to be Woken up by Screams.

"JYUUUDAIMEEEEEEEE!"

"BOOOOOSSSSS!"

Romario and Gokudera screeched at the same time, trying to reign in their respective Bosses - both well-known for their clumsiness - before the two collided, which resulted in the two right hand men getting entangled in the ensuing chaos.

"Owowowowow." Dino and Tsuna chorused unanimously as they landed below the stairs which Dino had been climbing up and Tsuna had been climbing down.

It took them a little while more to realise why they hadn't broken their necks yet.

"GOKUDERA-KUN!"

"Romario? Are you alright?"

"A-anything for Jyuudaime." the man answered from under Tsuna, while Romario grunted out something to the same effect from under Dino.

"THIS IS AN EXTREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEME MORNING!"

2. Because You Don't Want to Attend Breakfast in the Vongola Mansion

"Lamboooo!" It was a rare event to hear the Vongola's influential, powerful, yadda yadda yadda Decimo cry out like the whining brat he was ten years ago ( and still is behind closed doors.)

Well, for those who had never attended breakfast in the Vongola Mansion.

Breakfast was sacred, as any dimwitted Vongola ( Yes, I am pointing at Ryohei and Yamamoto. ) would tell you. Throughout the day, their missions and work took them outside the Mansion to various different places, so breakfast required everyone present in the mansion to attend.

At exactly seven a.m., Reborn's voice played across the mansion with the help of various microphones.

"Haul your asses to the breakfast room before I decide to shoot you. Dame-Tsuna, stop complaining and get here. Gokudera, see he doesn't die on his way down. Hibari and Mukuro, get dressed properly before coming down. Yamamoto and Ryohei, I hope you have finished your training by now or I'll finish it for you. Chrome, stop watching Yamamoto train and come to breakfast. All late comers will be elminated."

Needless to say, asses were hauled and everyone gathered in the breakfast room within ten minutes.

To discover Reborn had eaten their food.

"Ciaossu!"

"REBORRRRRRRN!"

After another batch of food was prepared promptly and had to be taken away just as promptly ( "WHO LET BIANCHI IN THE KITCHEN!"), everyone finally settled down to eat the third batch.

Everyone in the mansion was there, and even those not in the mansion currently.

"STUPID COW! DON'T EAT THE TENTH'S FOOD!"

"Lambooooo!"

"You really sound like dame-Tsuna right now."

"You're not helping, Reborn."

"Stop being so loud or I'll bite you to death."

"Ahahaha, Hibari, I though you only bit Mukuro?"

Hibari's tonfas were promptly thrown across the table, but blocked by an illusionary shield placed around Yamamoto.

"Really, Kyo-kun. Might I ask you to not kill off my brother-in-law?"

Chrome coloured and spluttered out protests.

"My future brother-in-law." Mukuro amended.

"..." Hibari, surprisingly, didn't say anything more and concentrated on his meal.

"Ahaha, I didn't know you were marrying my sister, Mukuro!" Yamamoto laughed, before frowning, "Wait a minute. Do I even have a sister?"

Mukuro's smile twitched, and he didn't stop Hibari's tonfas from connecting with the Rain Guardian's face this time around.

Everybody face-palmed.

3. Because You Don't Want the Medical Bill to be Explained

Staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare.

"Erm ... Gokudera-kun, why are you staring at that piece of paper?"

Glaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaare.

"To see if it would spontaneously combust, Jyuudaime." the silverette answered dutifully.

"..."

.

"Err ... what _is_ that paper, Gokudera-kun?"

"The medical bill, Jyuudaime."

That was when Tsuna decided there were some things he would rather not have explained.

4. Because You Don't Want to Pay for Renovation Every Week

"Hieee! What the Hell happened to the building?"

"What does it look like?" snapped a certain raven-haired ex-Prefect.

"L-like a meteor impact worse than Tungutska happened here?" Tsuna asked timidly.

"Or like someone insulted Reborn and Bianchi chased them in her poison cooking mode and turned the whole building to poison cooking. Or Zakuro visited." Tsuna's list of possibilities of events that could have transpired - and had transpired at some point in time - was cut off by the arrival of his right hand man.

"Two words. Hibari and Mukuro."

"T-those two are always fighting ..." Tsuna muttered.

"Well, actually Jyuudaime ..." Gokudera looked incredibly nervous for some reason. "They are together. And that's why the bill is higher."

"How does that even work..." the brunette wondered aloud, not really expecting an answer.

As it turns out, he should have done better to keep his musings to himself, because at that exact time, Hibari entered his office.

"Its like foreplay to us."

5. Because You Don't Want to be Blown Up

Gokudera and Zakuro.

Every time the Funeral Wreath visited.

Gokudera and Belphegor.

Every time the Varia Genius visited.

Squalo.

Every time the swordsman visited.

Hibari.

Every time poor Dino visited.

6. Because You Don't Want to Experience Hell First Hand

"Kufufufu, if you think this is Hell, I could tell you what Hell really looks like."

"...you're not helping, Mukuro."

7. Because You Don't Want to Become Used to Chaos

"_Oya oya_, what do we have here?"

"Stop fucking commenting on every fucking thing that fucking happens!"

Tsuna stared at the place where his right-hand man's voice was emanating from, watching the man-sized Kangaroo beating a Jaguar, which was trying to latch itself to Gokudera's face with something akin to horror.

_'How did they even get out...'_

__The fact that he wasn't very surprised was probably an indicator of the unhealthy chaos that went on in the Vongola Mansion on a daily basis.

8. Because You Don't Want to Die in a Gang War

"GODDAMMIT LAMBO! WHO DID YOU DUMP THIS TIME?" was the unanimous reaction to the bullets that suddenly started to pour in the Vongola mansion in the middle of breakfast.

After the offending parties had been dealt with, of course.

Mercilessly.

And then some.

9. Because You Don't Want to Die in Various Other Ways

"Lambo! Gyoza Fist!"

"Hahiiii! My needles!"

"HOW DARE YOU SHOOT NEEDLES AT THE TENTH!"

"TAKE THIS FROM LAMBO-SAN!"

"I'll bite you all to death for being so loud, herbivores."

"Kyoya! Don't have fun by yourself, or Mukuro will feel bad~"

"WHERE ARE YOU SWINGING THAT TRIDENT YOU PINEAPPLE!"

Gokudera's Systema C.A.I barely saved him from the trident and tonfas and assortment of illusionary projectiles thrown his way.

10. Because Mind Bleach Hasn't Been Invented Yet

OR

Because You Don't Fancy Getting Traumatised for Life

OR

Because They Will Kill You If You Take Pictures

OR

Because Tsuna Refuses To Pay Anymore Therapy Bills

It was becoming an increasingly common experience for various Vongola people - and people from affiliated families - Yes, I am looking at YOU, Dino Cavallone and Superbia Squalo - to get caught in the act and shuffle quickly out of the room, sporting looks like a ten-year-old boy caught with his hands in the cookie jar ( or down another boy's pants - well, the parallels are certainly there ...). However, Tsuna drew the line at this sight before him.

"P-primo?"

"D-decimo?" the blonde man gazed up from the pink-haired Storm Guardian who had been involved with a heavy make out session with the Primo before Tsuna entered.

"DAMMIT! THIS IS MY OFFICE AND IF I CAN'T MAKE OUT WITH GOKUDERA-KUN HERE NO ONE CAN!"


End file.
